FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Fernando Rizo / Jonathan Bellinger
Ketchum for Venom
VENOM ENERGY DRINK OFFERS BOUNTY FOR THE CAPTURE OF A LIVE "MONTAUK MONSTER"
Venom, the piercing energy drink that strikes back, promises a lifetime supply of product and a corporate monster-hunting sponsorship to anyone man enough to subdue and capture the (presumably) ferocious, untamable Montauk Monster
PLANO, Texas (July 31, 2008) -- Dedicated to enabling the most thrill-seeking conquests known to man or beast, Venom energy drink is offering free product for life and a corporate monster-hunting sponsorship to the first person badass enough to capture a live Montauk Monster.
Was it a de-shelled turtle? A chupacabra? A manticore? No one knows for sure, and the mystery of the grotesque sea-beast that washed ashore yesterday morning in Montauk, N.Y. remains a mystery. While vacationing Hamptonites recoiled with fright and the internet exploded with speculation, the team behind Venom mobilized for action, realizing that this was the chance for true adventure that its thrill-seeking customers have been waiting for.
"This quest isn't for the faint of heart. Google the thing and you'll see what I'm talking about. That beak could shred a bottle of Venom," said Chandra Rhodes, brand manager for Venom. "We bet it is going to put up a pretty big fight. It's going to take a lot of energy and a huge set of cojones to bring it in alive. That's why we're guaranteeing the person who can do it a lifetime supply of piercing energy...in a bottle."
As a consultant to this quest, Loren Coleman, director of the International Cryptozoology Musuem and Cryptomundo blogger (cryptomundo.com) said, "I would advise Montauk Monster hunters to use great caution getting close to this cryptid, and to wear thick gloves."
The hooked beak had Coleman mumbling, "You may need a bigger boat," over and over.
Rhodes also reiterated that the bounty would not be awarded unless the creature is brought back alive. "We don't care how you do it. Nunchucks, robots, plasma grenades--just made sure it's still breathing. No disintegrations."
For more information about the beast and how Venom can help you summon the courage and energy to answer this challenge, visit CaptureTheBeast.blogspot.com.